Rick, sorry you're in this situation, it's a painful place to be. Ironically she probably quit having sex with you because of OM, as crazy as it sounds a lot of waywards won't have sex with their husband because they feel like doing that would be cheating on OM!
Regarding whether to pursue D, here's what I think. I think you're in a situation that will never change, she will not initiate S or D herself but she is not going to come back to the M either as long as this limbo continues. TXHubby was in this exact same situation and it was slowly killing him. He was to the point of being physically ill- unable to sleep, I think he said he was having heart palpitations too. He finally was laying in bed one day and that was it, he reached his breaking point. He got angry that he had let his W bring him down this low, and he swore he would take control of his life again. From that moment forward he was DONE with her. They still lived under the same roof but he quit caring about what she was doing, who she was doing it with or where. He truly GAL'd, got fit, dressed better, went out more, all for himself. His posts here even changed radically, he went from desperate to strong and independent. He didn't care what impact it all had on his W. When she saw this new empowered man instead of the whipped puppy dog she had been seeing, suddenly she wanted him. But he didn't want her, so what followed was her hitting rock bottom and begging him to take her back. He eventually did and last he posted here they were piecing.
When I read situations like yours I always think it's just never going to end until YOU do something radical whether that's filing for D or shutting her out of your life like TXH did. But as LH and Jak said above, you've got to do it for you, not to get a reaction out of her. You've got to get fed up first, and then take whatever action you're going to take because it's what YOU want.
