Thanks so much for checking in and your continuing interest in my sitch DnJ. I hope the rain has stopped where you are. I just came in from sitting outside for a bit. It is a beautiful calm evening and it was very therapeutic listening to the water lap at the shore. As is always the case, with so much quiet and peace comes self-reflection time. Kids are at their dad’s so it is just me, myself and I. Time seems to go much slower out here than at home. Things have been crazy busy at work so it’s kinda nice that it feels like I am getting a longer break in between work days.
Haven’t heard much from Jack since he left yesterday morning. A few texts last night when i was at pool but nothing since. I have pretty much stopped sending him random texts during the week as it is a bit of an exercise in frustration most of the time. I feel like my R with him has been a bit of a learning experience although I’m not sure yet what I’ve learned...lol. I really don’t know too many people like him, TBH. When I am with him, he seems fully with me. He is really affectionate and fun and has a great sense of humour. At night when we are watching tv, he always has to be touching me in some way and it’s the same when we are sleeping. He is the opposite of “needy” but he seems physically needy sometimes.
When we are not together, however, it seems like I am “out of sight, out of mind”. If I don’t text him, I will not hear from him for at least a day, usually closer to two and sometimes three days. When I finally do hear from him, he texts “Hi...” and then waits for me to respond. A couple of weeks ago, I texted him that I had stayed home from work because I had an eye infection. Two days later, he texts me, “How’s your eye?” I responded with “I texted you about my eye two days ago. Do you actually even care how it is?” An hour later he texts, “yes”. That’s it. No explanation of any kind or acknowledgement that my response was a bit testy. It’s like he didn’t even notice. TBH, I actually laughed when I read it. It is so him.
So I’ve been wrestling with myself lately. During the week, when I’m by myself in the evenings, I recall how often I was alone when I was married and this feels too familiar. Inevitably, this leads to me thinking about breaking up with him. I haven’t decided I am actually going to do it but I keep entertaining the idea and imagining it in my mind...it’s like I’m trying to get myself used to the idea. On the weekend when I see him however, I don’t think about it at all. I like his company and I am not ready to give it up. I am also quite certain that if we broke up, I would never hear from him again and I would miss him a lot. I hate missing people so I’m feeling a bit stuck at the moment and a little bit irritated with myself.
