Persistent Endurance (Part 6)

[curtis7]

C,

I'm sorry Retrouvaille didn't work out but you knew it was a long shot as best so I'm guessing you weren't to surprised.

I am going tho keep this brief and give you to pieces of advice:

1. Don't dialogue with her while she is still talking to OM. That is your boundary. As far as helping her with her self image, you didn't break her and you can't fix her. Leave her to work on herself.

2. Give her the separation she is requesting. That means live like you are divorced. She takes and houses the horse, you discuss nothing but the children and you move on with your life. The only thing that will turn this around long term is time and space.

Don't listen to any of her words because it's all WW bs. Look only at her actions. Her continuing contact with OM is an action. Her continuing to life on her own action. You will not build attraction until she respects you and no woman will respect a man who is willing to share her with another man.

LH, it may be premature to claim that Retrouvaille didn't work out. Nevertheless, I think you're advice is perfect. Enforcing a boundary that shows I will not share my W, letting her fix her own problems, and giving her what she wants (separation). It shows that I'm respecting myself and her requests. I cannot argue with you at all. Still, I question if it's the right thing to do at this moment. Everyone here seems to agree that it is.

Yet, I'm still trying to evaluate this objectively. She has not been with OM3 since the end of August (if that is true)...I think it is as OM3 is 2 hours away and we've had a lot of kid activities in the past month. She is likely still in contact with him though. She has scheduled dialogue sessions with me several days this week, even when she doesn't have the kids. She is curious and looking back in my direction.

We have given you so much advice and you have chose to go against that advice in every single situation. Advice is an option you can choose to take it or leave it. But every time I read a post from you, it reaks of you kicking hope down the road to try to get your WW back, (she don't won't to come back at the moment). Allow her to be free of you trying to fix things.

Get out of her way, and move forward with you life. Everything you have done and I mean everything has been about you trying to control your WW and ya'll situation. I told you that months ago, that you need to stop trying control your situation and your WW with these obvious (trying to fix things) tactics.

Your WW has told she feels more for OM and wants space and time from you to feel what it's like to be separated. It's obvious she don't want to hurt you at the same time keep you as a plan B by leaving those tiny bread crumbs and you eat them right up.

I don't know what else or advice to give you. It's so frustrating reading your post. I don't get frustrated easily. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Joejoe, you are right. Your advice is filled with logic. I am dealing with an illogical human being right now and I'm being illogical as well by even considering not to follow the sound advice everyone is giving me. I have not made a decision on this yet.

They would probably say something like: "Pack her $hit, off load, sell, or find another location for the horse, or charge rent for it, have some dignity and self respect, and take your ball$ back."

IH, they would and have. If I had a friend going through this, knowing what I know now, I would give say something like that too.

I shake my head every time i read your comments Curtis.

I dont know you as a person, and i really dont want to come across as attacking, but you seem to be a door matt.. I dont want to get personal, but i dont know how you look in the mirror and have any self respect.

I haven't shared too much about what she opened up about during Retrouvaille, but I see that she recognizes the destruction that she's caused. I see why it appears I'm being a doormat. I haven't done much in the 11 months since BD to command respect.

But as the saying goes- "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."

I was fooled in late July after her friend's H died and she seemed to have an awakening for a week. That was short-lived and her WW returned. Now, I may be getting fooled again until the Retrouvaille hangover wears off. It's another up cycle on the roller coaster, she is running hot. The cold will probably return again. I don't have a plan if that happens,

You are hurting and suffering and miserable and in that state is is darned tough to think and see clearly.

I'm actually not doing too bad at all. Actually, even though my MR is a disaster, I'm feeling quite upbeat about life.

I would like to know from the vets. When a WW starts to question her choices and the A fog lifts ever so slightly, is that not the time to be there for support rather than alienating her? Showing her that I'm the better option?