I'm not pleased with this, because I don't have any indications at all that she's actually doing anything close to what she said she needed the separation for. We're not working on anything, as far as I can tell she's not really any closer to an understanding of what she wants -- all that's happening is this purgatory where everything is in limbo.
A lot of WAS's request separation so they can "get their head on straight" and "decide what they want". The LBS will willingly let them go and even help them if they think it's the way forward to recon. But that isn't really what the WAS wants, they just want out and they are dangling the false carrot of hope just to make things a little easier on themselves. It seems pretty clear your W was no interest in recon at this time. You've been S'd for 4 months, that probably seems like forever but it's really not that long. If she decides she wants back in the M it's likely to be at least twice that long.
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So, I'm torn. Common advice on here seems like it would be to detach, not put pressure on the situation, and focus on my own growth. NMMG might recommend voicing your displeasure, and not allowing yourself to feel like a secondary option or for your time to be wasted.
I think NMMNG would have been to say something before she left. Something like "I would prefer for you to stay and work on the M, but if you choose to go then I will accept your decision" and then if she leaves, let her go and be done with her. It's too late to say something now, you're already separated. It's done. She doesn't want back, if she did you would be the first to know. So let her go, focus on you and give her maximum time and space.
