Dejavu I don’t get it. How can things be going so well and this is the path they choose? My situation was close to that, as far as how we lived life. Our only debt was our home. Money in the bank, 5 vacations a year, big beautiful home, 3 nice cars, 2 beautiful healthy kids, a husband who was around to help all the time. Yet she had the nerve to say numerous times, “I wouldn’t wish this life on my worse enemy.” Are you serious??? You know how many people would kill to have this life and you say that. For my w it was never enough. She always wanted more and more and more. So yeah at times I had to tell her we couldn’t go on that $10,000 vacation, we don’t have the money for it. My kids also did a million activities so that took a lot of our money. And yet still never dipped into savings. I worked my tail off to make sure we were never in debt, picked up another job to help pay for everything. I even asked her if it was ok I did this other job. She said yeah, but then get mad when I worked. This job made it so we could go on nicer vacations. But yet she would find something wrong or a problem. All I ever wanted to do was make my wife and kids happy. They were my world, my life. For some reason she never saw my dedication and hard work to the family. How many husbands have 2 careers, clean the house, food shop, do the landscaping, clean up after dinner, take the kids to activities, pat all the bills, take out the garbage, make the kids lunch, and yet she felt I didn’t care? I get part of it now that, that was not her love language. and yet at times she would compare me to other husbands how they do things for their wives.WHAT?? A lot of friends and family say it’s not me. I believe that, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. And when this all started I moved into the basement, to make her happy, I sacrificed again. Even though many people on here told me not too. We have a wall in the dining room with all the vacations we went on, how can she look at those and not see a great life??? I remember one time we were sitting in the dining room with her 2 girlfriends. My w said to them that we barely go away or do anything. They BOTH said are you crazy?? You go away more than both of us combined. They both said we don’t do half of what you guys do. I said to my w see we do, do a lot. She actually then said to them no it’s not that much. It’s like she doesn’t see any of it. She is in a fantasy world.
They do live in a fantasy world. The sad part is they build the fantasy world to support their narrative that their breaking up the family is required and that their spouse is responsible for that happening.
My sitch is similar to yours. I was a good husband and father and the family was always my priority. I know my exW will leave her fantasy world at some point. She has gone back to treating me with respect now. She also shows signs of wanting to do things for me, but I have reached a point where I no longer care for these touch n go actions. I am getting close to a point where I may not even consider taking her back if she expresses a desire to R.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Yesterday was a great day!!! I took my kids to a farm to Apple pick, corn maze, hayrides and corn hole. The kids had so much fun we were there for about 5 hours. Then I took them out to eat and did something called slot car racing. We had a awesome day together. It was so much fun. I love those kids more than anything and miss them so much when they are not with me. Thanks for listening. Comments feedback I look forward too. This forum helps.
Making plans focused on my kids has been very helpful. Spend as much time as you can with them when you have possession. When they are not with you, complete all the other work so that you are spending more time with them when they are with you. If you do that, even though they spend a much smaller percentage of the days with you, you can still keep the effective percentage of 'total meaningful time' spent with you relatively high.
I went through struggles accepting my sitch just as you. Here is my advice based on my experience: Focus on what you have and not what you don't or what you 'could have had'. You have a life that is still better than a large percentage of the world's population. You are not struggling to meet what is needed for you to have a decent life with all basic needs met. You have two wonderful kids and you get to spend quality time with them. Enjoy the blessings you have in life *today* and you will start recognizing how much happiness is still there in your life! Keep a positive attitude and you will find that things will get better.
