Sounds a lot like my sitch. I was in your shoes a year ago. If she wants to "talk about us" again, you really need to slow play it. Keep your cards close the vest. A great DB phrase is "Believe nothing they say and only half of what they do". Keep that phrase in mind alwasy.
Work on your validation. If you give her space, and take time to heal/learn/grow yourself I believe you have a bright future ahead of you. She clearly cares about you enough to keep coming around, but on the other hand she's done this multiple times over the year. So you need to accept that for what it truly is and that is not good. She needs this time to figure her own stuff out. Try not to muddy it up by being weak and pursuing. Don't show her your emotions.
You nailed this on this head:
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She is torn between not wanting to throw everything away, yet not being able to let go of the guilt of walking all over the relationship, or as I interpret it… not able to let go of the EA/AP.
The wayward spouses never care about the marriage as much as they care about their perfect fantasy that exists in the affair but they can't say that out loud so what they say is some verbal vomit.
You listed some things you can work on like breaking things in anger. What the heck is that? Don't do that my man!!! When your gf/by/wife/husband asks for help you usually should give it to them. Relationships feel like more give then take because we are selfish by nature.
Keep posting. I think you are a quick learner.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
