Just curious - has she ever voiced up that her alcohol consumption is a problem? You situation is interesting to me as it seems she really goes from one extreme to the other (wanting to fix the marriage vs. leaving to outright be with the OM). I feel like you need to setup a boundary saying: either the alcohol goes or you go.
I have found GAL/detaching to be extremely helpful in my scenario too.
Lastly, it is amazing to me how many toxic/damaged people are out there. I met someone divorced since 2007 and her mental wounds were still really fresh. Seems it all boils down to you doing the work, and being able to make yourself whole before going out to find someone else.
Definitely check out sandi2's posts in Cadet's inital thread on WW/WAS.
