Loving, she really sounds like a serial cheater to me. And she doesn't even care, she's just blatantly disrespecting you and the M by getting drunk and spending the night with an OM right under your nose. The situations I've seen like this just never change. You work hard to recon, things are great for a while, then off she goes sleeping around again. Wash, rinse, repeat. Cheaters are almost always serial liars as well and typically offer up just enough info to satisfy their spouse that they are telling the truth, which they are usually not. I would not be at all surprised if what you know about is actually a fraction of her "activities". Usually at this part the "cheatee" says "Oh no, I'm convinced she told me everything" and then somewhere down the road finds out that indeed, there was a lot more going on than they realized.
This is a marriage-saving site, but the path to saving your M is a little unconventional in that you save it by letting go of it. You give her time and space, stop all pursuit, stop all R talks, work on yourself, get out and GAL. The timeline is very long, much longer than most people have patience for. Especially with cheaters because once they are out of the house then they spend a lot of time sowing their wild oats before coming to their senses.
I agree with LH on separation, it hurts but it's the best way to give your W the time and space she needs. It was a good idea from the perspective of working on your M. Plus YOU need time and space to process this too.
Here's my question to you- do you even want to be married to a serial cheater? Are you holding onto the hope that maybe she will change and stop this behavior? And what if she doesn't?
