Sorry you are here but you came to the right place. (Interesting name BTW).
I think it's good that your separated and I think you need to live your life like your truly separated. Doesn't mean to date but she needs to wonder about you. Right now she's holding onto the security blanket (You) while seeing if the OM is a long term option.
So what you have to decide is are you ok with being plan b. What are you values? It's good you don't have kids and both work so this separation could be about focusing on you and what you want out of the rest your life. It is going to take a really long time and hard work to come back from this and serial cheaters are the lowest of the low as far as waywards are concerned.
The quickest way back is to go in the complete opposite direction. Detach, GAL focus on you and read up on boundaries. We are here for you.
