Hey wolf I started generating a response to relate to you and everything is going on yesterday but I didn't have the time to finish it all but I will put it up here later. But I want to share a couple of new thoughts I had drving this morning.
Wolf. Even though we all have gained valuable insight here by listening to each other's sich's here on a incremental daily basis. Let me pose a few questions. How much time of your life do you think you have wasted trying to figure all of this out of your sich in the past year? How much more action do you think you could have taken for bettering yourself, your well being, and your life, if the majority of you, your emotions and your actions weren't focused on your W? I know we have to process this in our own way, and in our own time, but how many times have we re-read and heard the same things over and over here and elsewhere? Had the realizations, but failed to take action for ourselves torwards positive change torwards ourselves? Not our W and our sich but actually for ourselves?
Ill pose another thought. I'm willing to bet that we are unrecognizable to our W, their families, their friends, etc. I'm willing to bet that you are the same person and act the same for the most part to your friends and family, and your W is the same to theirs. But the two of you don't recognize each other to yourselves anymore. Let me ask this? Who is changing more at the moment and putting their focus in themselves by their actions? You? Or your W? I'm willing to bet your W has more of a conversation with a family member or friend naturally than she does with you. What does all this mean? How much do you really think you matter to them right now based on your perception, your experience, and their actions? Is it worth your limited time on this earth, for months on end to continually reflect on all that has happened, although somewhat productive mentally, are you going to 've apply it and start bettering your life? Or are you just going to keep focusing what the answers are and stay immersed in the drama over and over and over? I realized that even though I have gained all this knowledge. That I can be addicted to keep looking, and reading, and doing very little about it. I have been watching YouTube videos for almost a solid year, and doing practically nothing else, just in order to feel better, feel validated, in attempt to get my mind right, while doing little to better my own personal sich. When I could have been aggressively looking for apartments, working out, looking at investments, taking up a new hobby, figuring out where I want to live. Making goals, keeping track of them, and measuring progress, etc. I don't matter to the W anymore. Except when she needs $ or needs care for S2, or needs time to watch him for her personal GAL activities. She still looks out for me. (She sends me emails on apartments to her benefit of course.) Another thing Wolf. Get used to the silence. Get used to being alone with your thoughts, and get used to pursuing a new and exciting life for yourself whatever you want it to look like. Make her an afterthought, and yourself a priority. Doesn't matter if its friends. Family, or co workers. People who keep active in your life are there for a reason, and the ones who arent, or don't wish to be, are also for a reason, its just as simple as that. The drama in our heads and in our lives thstvwe are addicted to emotionally, is keeping us stuck. Before all this pre-bd. I'm sure we were laser focused on what we had to do to get to the next step. I just realized I wasted a solid year, and a solid summer because of it. Now its time to apply what we've learned, move forward, and create a life and experiences that is going to make me happy. No excuses, no wallowing in drama or lack of results, no assigning blame to other people why I feel the way I feel. No more victim hood.
Wolf. Have you ever had a person in your life that you wanted to empathise with at first. Listened to their stories and circumstance for a few months, years, etc, but then you were like? I need to distance myself from this person, because they are clearly doing nothing to change it? Or their preferences didn't match yours anymore, and they stopped growing, and you wanted to start moving forward? We have become those people. Either live it Wolf. Or change it. It doesn't matter if we get them back. They are no longer the person that we knew to us. May be not everyone else? But to us. In simplicity. This place advocates about saving yourself first and the rest will follow. Not saving your family and marriage to leave you drained, frustrated, under developed, stunted, poor, helpless, out of control and destitute. We can't control that.
