Been a few weeks since you heard from me. My old threads are archived due to the risk of my stbxw finding them although that might just be me being paranoid.
Recap for those that don't know about my sitch -
- joined this forum early May 2019
- I was desperate to save my marriage after W became cold and distant beginning of February 2019. Never begged or pleaded but I initiated a few R talks which of course made things worse.
- I was ready to end the relationships but was talked out of it by kind souls here at the forum. I was reacting on emotions a lot so that would have been a bad idea.
- I earn a lot of money, stbxw is struggling and I have a solid prenup which means she leaves with nothing.
- things became a lot better after I joined the forum. We started spending more time together. Her partying and staying out late stopped completely.
- mid June we went to Paris together and although it was a great trip, there was no intimacy.
- I work with famous artists so end of August I went on a month long tour. After about two weeks I found out my W brought home a man and had sex with him in our apartment. I was crushed and told her she needs to move out and when I come home, she will sleep on the couch until she finds some place else to stay.
- the next day I felt completely different and felt I could forgive her until AnotherStander talked sense into me and made me realize how serious her lies and selfishness were.
Today:
Came home from the tour Sunday, September 22. W had cooked lunch and cleaned the apartment and was very humble and nice to me. I acted cordial and polite. That evening I was meeting a woman who is interested in buying the special we recorded for the artist I was on tour with. I showered and dressed nicely and told W I was going out for dinner that night. This was strictly a business meeting but I didn't mind the side effect of seeing her worried. And she sure seemed worried when I left.
During dinner I get a text from her asking if it's ok if she goes to bed. I didn't see the text until hours later and thought it was weird at first until I realized she probably plans to sleep in the bed.
I came home half past midnight and found her in bed. I thought about waking her up but didn't and went to sleep in the bed with her as well.
The next day while she was at work I wrote to her and said I've put some sheets and pillows on the couch in the spare bedroom(there's no bed there). She just responded "ok". From then on she slept there and not together with me.
Picked up the keys to the apartment I found for her on Sept 27 and agreed she would move out the next day. The new apartment is only 366 square feet so it's tiny compared to the big place she's lived in with me all these years. So September 28 I help her move out and it was all going well. When we finished moving she burst into tears which I've only seen her do maybe 5 times in the 10 years we've been together so I was surprised.
W: I don't want this...but I have to try
That stood out for me. Does she still think she is just trying this out? I remained calmed and said I'm sorry that you're sad about this. But the messed up thing is that I felt guilt for kicking her out suddenly. It was hard to see her sad. I left and came home and felt for the first time sadness instead of anger on a while. All her things gone. It smoked a cigarette which I haven't in a very long time. 30 minutes later I get a text from her.
W: would it be ok if I sleep home, just tonight? There's so many weird sounds here and I don't want to be here alone. Please, just tonight? We can watch a movie or something?
I'm so sorry everyone, I know I shouldn't but I told her it was ok. She can spend the night with me. I couldn't say no.
She took a taxi over and was happier than I've seen her in a long time. We watched a movie and since there was no couch left in the apartment now that it was moved to the new one, I allowed her to stay in the bed. She may have expected us to cuddle, I don't know for sure, but I turned my back and went to sleep.
And that's that. I've filed for divorce which she's not agreeing to so court will force us to do the 6 months waiting period because of that. On Thursday I'm supposed to meet her for the last time to hand her the divorce papers and take a few things that are mine but after that I've told her I want no further contact with her.
It's much harder than I thought to be alone in the apartment. Today until Wednesday it's fine because I have a three shows with another artist which helps keep my mind off things. But it feels so empty to be at home. I'm working out like crazy, down to 9% bodyfat so I look ripped. I've started growing a beard which I've never done before. But I feel all the things I thought I'd grown out of. It feels like I'm dying. I miss her so much. I've asked my brother and his W to come stay with me this upcoming weekend and that will be great. But I dread being alone. I'm usually an introvert and thrive being alone. But now that scares me more than anything else.
Anyway, just wanted to give everyone an update on my sitch.
Me: 38 Stbxw: 35 No kids Mini bd: February 6, 2019 ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019 Told her to move out: September 8, 2019 W moved out: September 28, 2019 Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019 6 month divorce waiting period starts counting on October 3, 2019
Me: 38 Stbxw: 35 No kids Mini bd: February 6, 2019 ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019 Told her to move out: September 8, 2019 W moved out: September 28, 2019 Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
