First of all, thanks for all your comments and time!
Some followup question to your WW comment above. Do you think if they are doing this consciously (premeditated), or subconsciously (chemically driven)?
These type questions causes me to answer with too many words, but I'll give it my best shot.
Waywardness is an act of free volition. It is not forced upon any woman to lose respect for her H. It begins with unresolved resentment that she's tried to push down and go on with her life, but it's still there in her heart. She may carry this unresolved resentment for years, and the H may have no idea. Since her sexual desire is tied to her level of respect for her H, sexual intimacy flies out the window pretty fast. Many couples have a SSM for years, and the H thinks she simply has a low drive.........no, she doesn't respect him, and that's the problem in the bedroom. Eventually, the loss of respect and unresolved resentment will breed and other negative attitudes are born. Selfishness becomes a big proponent, suggesting she deserves better, or this is her time to do what she wants, etc. The little signs of disrespect come more to the surface in forms of rebellion. Eventually the little signs grow into all out rebellion. She rebels against her H, the marriage.
I believe all forms of waywardness begins with a negative mental attitude about her spouse. It's not that she premeditates her negative emotions/attitude, but they are never resolved through forgiveness, therapy, etc. She might try certain solutions she read in a book, but found no success b/c she is either too depressed or has reached the dangerous point of believing her H will never change and she's giving up. Some women may try to let it go of their resentment and succeed, but for the women who can't/won't let it go.......they hang on to it and it brews and the negative junk feeds her mind/soul. So, every time she is let down or disappointed in her H, it's thrown into the big heap of marital lifetime resentments.
I wouldn't say that resentment is premeditated exactly, however, if she already has stinking thinking....she's not going to try and stop it when it comes knocking. She may even come to expect it, especially if her H never attempts to make changes. It's up to the individual to let resentment hang on, roll it over & over, festering in their heart. It's as if she has this little devil sitting on her shoulder whispering in her ear and reminding her of every wrong thing her H has done, and in fact, suggests that he is the problem of all her unhappiness.....and, she deserves better.
All of this grows and sprouts into other things that convinces the H she is completely nuts, and I can readily see how WW's reflect narcissism, especially when their rebellion is flourishing. IMHO, that's why a lot of H's believe it's due to MLC, menopausal, borderline personality, prescriptions, alcohol or something in her past is causing her to behave as if an alien has replaced the real woman he married. I do believe that certain medications can tip the scale, b/c anything that messes with your brain chemicals, is going to affect how you feel and how you process thoughts.
"Do you think if they are doing this consciously (premeditated), or subconsciously (chemically driven)?" Now it's getting deep and complicated. Waywardness definitely comes from a personal choice of that individual. If chemicals are added, it makes matters much worse, IMHO. I think alcohol and drugs can cause people to behave inappropriately or much worse. If she already had a wayward heart, then being under the influence might give her courage to do something more outrageous than if she wasn't taking anything. But what I want people to understand is there's a difference when one is acting under the influence of a chemical, and when one is acting from what's in the heart/soul.
I do believe waywardness is a progression that begins with deep resentment, disrespect, and rebellion. If not checked, it will worsen until she is nothing like the girl you married.
I'll have to stop here, or else I'm going to write a sloppy book. I would like very much to hear your story. How about starting a thread?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I would like very much to hear your story. How about starting a thread?
