I'm sorry Retrouvaille didn't work out but you knew it was a long shot as best so I'm guessing you weren't to surprised.
I am going tho keep this brief and give you to pieces of advice:
1. Don't dialogue with her while she is still talking to OM. That is your boundary. As far as helping her with her self image, you didn't break her and you can't fix her. Leave her to work on herself.
2. Give her the separation she is requesting. That means live like you are divorced. She takes and houses the horse, you discuss nothing but the children and you move on with your life. The only thing that will turn this around long term is time and space.
Don't listen to any of her words because it's all WW bs. Look only at her actions. Her continuing contact with OM is an action. Her continuing to life on her own action. You will not build attraction until she respects you and no woman will respect a man who is willing to share her with another man.
