Shame and devastation

[Jdevast]

So.have agreed that I will be returning to town to be able to see the kids.and stated that I would need to stay in the business to obtain evidence of employment if I was to secure temp accommodation.
She has agreed that we will continue to work seperately and that I can split time between work studio and home.but all contact from her is exceptionally cold.she has continued to state that she wants as little to do with me as possible and stated how much safer and comfortable she has been in the house without me there.i know it had been awkward when we slept in seperate rooms etc.and with her continuing to go out till 4am etc but I can't believe she considers me a threat unless she is buying into this narrative she is spinning and consolidating with her friends.
There seems to be so much hate and coldness at the moment.

I've told myself when I arrive today I will focus on the kids and not raise anything regarding the relationship and at the same time I'm overwhelmed with anxiety feeling almost compelled to try and explain the past depression and acknowledging the impact on the relationship.i know this is the wrong thing to do as I'm positive that as she would probably listen she would also take it as further manipulation.

Would there ever be a time to try and explain myself or do i just leave that for the unknown future.

It's incredibly painful that she has developed this picture of me.