Job - I really did go through h€ll and back and have such a clear conscience that I did my best. Mine was such a wallower. It was a slow, arduous process. So thankful to be released from it all. Blessed, truly blessed. Ignorance is bliss and watching him crumble before my very eyes was like being stabbed to death with a dull knife.
Ownit - we are divorced and have been since March. I didn’t really post it because to me the marriage was over so much longer than that and I just worked hard to forget the whole D process, which was awful as it was like trying to use logic with a three year old. In the end, I left some things on the table, but I waited until it would have cost me the same in fees to fight for it all. And caused all the stress of lawyers and court dates. In the end, mine would have fought over pennies in the couch cushions. He loves confrontation and arguing. I am conflict avoidant.
Speaking of that dynamic, had my family wedding this weekend. So fun! It was the first time I saw extended family since the fall out. This side of the family is particularly Catholic. But they were wonderful. I was given a lot of space and dignity. Closer cousins came to discuss and support. Others gave me space. One of the most judgmental people, who is actually related to my sister’s in-laws, was someone I was particularly dreading seeing. Her h was a notorious cheater in his younger years and she put up with a lot to stay married. He chronically broke his vows. I think she wears it as a Catholic badge but I don’t think he really cleaned up his act.
Anyway, she did not say a word. But when I left she hugged me and whispered “hold your head up high” then gave me a very supportive look. It actually made me tear up. The person I dreaded the most, in the end, was the one who most fortified me! Just when you think you know how things will go; hence, make no assumptions!
Kyh - I did set up a back up to ex for dog sitting. Thanks for the wise advice. Ex was giving me a hard time before leaving by asking all sorts of questions about our travels and all that. I found it comical as the last few years, he was so checked out we were gone visiting family all the time without him! And his phone was off all the time back then as he was “starting to find himself.” Now all of a sudden he is the concerned father wanting to know what road I am driving his kids.
And the day of dog pick up, he started texting me how long the dog would be in my gated yard as it was going to rain and he didn’t want him in the rain?!?! I responded I had a covered area and he would be dry. Then he asked how long he would be outside (which I already told him when I asked him to dogsit.). So I just ignored that. He texted the kids constantly all weekend long.
To those still in the thick of it, it does get better. It really goes. We have the ability to make ourselves happy. Let go or be dragged. And when you let go, you start to soar!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
