[Ske0187]

Hi Cali

I'm a newbie here but I think I can see some solutions to your questions. I have been on both sides of these issues. The vets can flame me at will if I'm wrong.

These are all easier to say than do. But if I can do them (or try) you can too.

1. Stop arguing back about anything and validate. Outside of the links here, there's a book called "I Hear You" that has a fantastic step by step validation technique. If that's not allowed I apologize to the moderators.

2. Stop having sex. No means no. It doesn't take a discussion. You'll just be opening up to another huge deal. Figure something out. Headache, mood, tired, time of the month... Whatever. You guys are good at that stuff! It looks like that's a 180 for you. Also consider not letting him in your bed. I would consider that a boundary.

3. Go on dates about 1/3-1/2 of the times offered. (Only if you want to.)

4. Don't do the DB techniques blindly. A lot of it is very counter intuitive that's part of what makes it so hard to do. I do follow 99.9% but I'm a very analytical person so I have to turn everything inside out before I do it. It's your R and it's very hard to see the utility of some of this stuff because of the counter-intuitiveness. All of it is proven effective, most will fit your sitch because they are all so similar, but some won't.

None of this has to be done with some kind of attitude. It should more or less be presented pleasantly as a matter of fact, just like it's always been that way.

Just breathe...