Wolf. In short you are not alone. I am friendless, (well I have 1 or 2 friends) unsupported, my despise my family's lifestyle and actions, but relate to their mindset in a way. I'm in the middle of moving, refi is done on W part, lost my friends and family through my seperation by me isolating myself from everyone as a result of seperating, probably doing more harm then good to myself because I feel like I've always lost good friends after a breakup, but I have to detach from anyone and anything that reminds me of W and what im losing as a result of marriage failure. BIL moving into home (awkward) , no where to put my stuff, don't have an apartment yet. I get depressed every day but it comes and goes. Little things like listening to You tube videos and cleaning up after myself. Little joy in things. Maybe watching the sun cone up, and work work work, little pleasure in life, but no big purposes for my life, small jealousy of W moving forward in mindset with her life to get what she wants out of it. A part of me wishes i could change my mindset the way she does to get unstuck. The other part of me wishes she took more action. You see that's the problem with me is I have to get my mind right to take action but I'm more susceptible to take action before getting my mindset right. Because I am hyper. I need to create a bucket list or something and achieve it a little at a time. I realize that my attachment to all my previous partners, and women in general, I've never made myself the center of my life. This is something I need to unlearn. That no person can ever make it keep me happy, I have to change my mindset and learn to do it for myself. I have no choice now but to put myself first. That's the scary thing Wolf. Is not knowing where I want to go, what I want to do, how I want to live, and how to take action to get there. Remaining stuck [censored], its hard to quiet the voices and the dialogues in your head that make everything wrong, and everything right, the questions, the what ifs and the influences that are of your own, and that are of other people. Like mind viruses. All the questions, all of the perceptions, who's wrong who's right, what is truth who's truth it is. Am I making the right moves based off of someone else influence, or is it of my own? (That can greatly differ depending on who you are talking to.) All this chatter in your mind and being alone [censored] because it gives you too much room to think, and not enough experience to enjoy. Its no joke when people on here say you must remain in the present. The future makes you anxious, the past makes you depressed. But that is the trickery of the human mind, is that we feel things based on our thoughts, things that are not presently happening right now in real time. It has the ability to keep you repeating the same convos, the same experiences, the same circumstances, and the same tramaus over and over again, even though its not presently happening. The beautiful thing is we can also worry about the future, or we can choose to dream, manifest, and create it, plan for it, do it, risk and all, and actually get there. An emotion is a feeling either of a thought, or an experience. It is a result of that. But it is not us. There is this guy Joe Dispensa on You Tube, I highly recommend his videos which are a little complex in attempting to get your mind in the right frame, and breaking the stuck patterns of the past, as much as we hate going through all of this pain, we must grow from it, or we remain stuck and paralyzed, we must grow from it. Use it to grow from it. I'm tired of being a victim. I'm tired of being depressed, I'm tired losing and not learning to gain from it, I'm tired of habitually repeating the same behaviors even though I don't want to. Its like thoughts become habits and habits become your personna. You get up the same way every morning, you shower, you make your coffee, pack your lunch, drive the same way to work, do the same things, etc, these become habits, we get addicted to familiarity, our thoughts, our comfort zones, and impede our growth. Do something different every day. Whether it be behavioral, habitual, etc. We can't afford to remain attached and stuck and go on this way. We can't afford to think and act the same way if it is not working for us. We can't afford to attach our identities to another person that no longer is one with us, doesn't want us, and isn't willing to work with us any longer. Its draining. You want to hold onto what's familiar, but at what cost? Your sanity, your life, your personality? I don't know who I am anymore, but yet I still do, but I am also going to find out what I am made of by going through the fire. Are you going to sit down in the fire, curl up into a ball and die, or are you going to make the best with what you have, run through it with all your being, and plan to come out the other side? You have a lot to offer going on in your life, don't realize it, and probably are way better off then some of us like myself here. I literally don't have my $hit together, but its going to come. Slowly with every action u take, and every small choice I make not to remain stuck and in the same place, with experience. I also have deeper philosophical questions like what is love and what does it really mean? Is it just attachment to what is familiar? Is it putting yourself first so others can love you for it or putting other people first, so they see your selfless appreciation and sacrifice? Is it letting someone go and honoring their wishes for them to be them? Or trying to convince them that their feelings or perception is not the same as yours and that they are in the wrong? All these schools of thought on life and what is the right way to live it based off of all these influences can be downright confusing when you're searching for it. Because parts of it validate your own mindset in your own experience
