Just stay alert and don't get emotionally pulled in by her recent actions. You may never know why she has chosen to become friendlier, but I am suspicious of WW's. If they can appease or fool the LBH just enough to slither under the backdoor of the MR, without work and change.........they will. I think I am safe in saying that most WW's prefer to simply pick up where the relationship left off, without them being held accountable and doing whatever it takes to save the M. Let me rephrase by saying that a WW who is not remorseful and humble will do as little as possible to maintain her position in the M dynamic, b/c her heart has not changed. She can put on a little show, but that doesn't mean anything has changed in her heart. I think it is a big mistake to let a WW come back too quickly too easily.
I know it gets confusing to newcomers b/c we are saying to not have relationship talks........however, I want to inject something along the lines of letting her come back into the MR too easily, without atoning for her actions. In order for true reconciliation to happen, her waywardness needs to be addressed and if she is willing to have family therapy and a transparency plan of action, and whatever else is needed for the MR to succeed........then I think that needs to be communicated at some point. She needs to realize she can't just flip the switch on/off and assume you will be thankful for any crumbs and not require any effort from her. Don't bring it up right now, but at sometime if she seems to settle in as if nothing ever happened, and she gives not explanations......I wouldn't let it go indefinitely before setting some ground rules. Why? B/c that's what WW's prefer to do........act as if nothing ever happened. They want to play nice-nice with the LBH but not do the real heavy work of repairing the damage they caused. Of course, she intends to keep separate bedrooms and keep you in the friend zone, as long as you go along with it. That is a mistake to agree to those conditions, thinking a reconciliation will eventually come. So, keep what I'm saying in the back of your mind. Don't assume she is ready to work on the MR just b/c she has shown some movements of warmth toward you. She may not follow through with the D, for whatever reason........(usually b/c the WW sees more benefit staying with the LBH). This could be nothing more than pretense, b/c you just don't know how the wheels are turning in her head. When there are so outward signs of remorse, no seeking forgiveness, no explanations, no nothing.........don't buy into the act.
Here's the thing you need to remember about a WW. She is incredibly selfish. So, whenever you see her doing something that doesn't make sense to you, just write it down that she is getting something out of it. It's usually temporary, but she gets something emotionally, financially, physically, or whatever. It's all about her. I don't know if he's still around, cause I don't see his posts, but there was a H who had a WW that cake eat like you couldn't believe, and kept him at arms length for years. He went along with whatever shots she called, and last I heard, nothing had changed. That description covers a lot of H's on the board. I hope it won't include you as well.
Keep posting, Zip. ((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
