My family was my world and I know people say you still have your kids but it’s not the same. Some days my thoughts go real dark. I have no one. I’m not use to that. Because of my marriage I don’t have a lot of friends anymore. I always feel alone. That’s why I love this board. I know everyone on here has a life but it means so much to me when people respond. I never thought this divorce would break me this bad I was such a strong independent person before I was married. I became husband and family man and lost my sense of strength. Everyday I feel sick to my stomach hoping I will wake from this nightmare.
I hear you, that really brings back memories. Not too long after BD and S, my oldest went to college. That was a cold slap in the face that not only did I lose my W and half my time with the kids, but I was now only going to see my oldest maybe twice a month! Man that was tough. And the weeks I didn't have the kids were so incredibly lonely at first. Just me in that empty house. So what saved me? How did I survive, and then thrive? GAL. I had to force myself to GAL because all I WANTED to do was sit at home and wallow in misery and despair. But I made myself. I went to the gym nearly every day. I worked out until I was too tired to be miserable. I worked on a motorcycle, I did sketches, I read, I texted friends, I built R/C planes, I took painting classes. Slowly over time I learned to enjoy all these activities. Eventually they become so much fun that I looked forward to my "alone" weeks so I could do more GAL. Now don't get me wrong, if given a choice I would definitely have chosen to see my kids more. But we're forced into these situations, so we make the best of it. We are Superdad when we have the kids and we GAL our hearts out when we don't have them. I like my alone time now, I'm alone a lot but I am never lonely!
I don't think you've ever really embraced GAL'ing. You do a little something here and there but you've never gone full bore on it and you have to, it's the only way forward.
Also here's a truth bomb for everyone that has kids- they grow up. The move out. You're still a father to them but not every day like you're used to. It's inevitable that your parenting situation is going to change and diminish no matter what happens to your M. So you have to prepare yourself for that.
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I just wish her MLC would end. And my “wife” would come back. Because she is not the same person.
It may never happen. Or it might. A friend of mine, his W went full-bore WAS and launched a scorched earth policy. Left, moved in with OM, sold their joint house and business and cut all contact for 2 years. Now they are back together and happier than ever. My XW on the other hand, it's been many years and she's only partially returned to who she was before. Sometimes she seems like my old W and other times like a stranger. All I can say is you've got to quit waiting and get on with life. It may seem impossible, but there are plenty of us around here who were in your exact same spot and are now happy and thriving. That should give you hope!
