U, you're getting some very tough but accurate advice. I know this is difficult for you, it is so much easier to maintain status quo and try to keep the peace. But what the others are telling you is true- if and when you end up in court the court will look at the current arrangement and be inclined to make that permanent. It is EXTREMELY difficult to argue for more custody if you've been accepting minimal custody for a long period of time, regardless of the reason. We always say here to stand for your M as much as you can, but fighting for custody of your kids is more important. If you don't have an L then get one. Talk to him/ her about how to rectify this situation through legal channels. Then talk to your W, demand more custody, put her on notice you'll pursue legal action if you don't get it and that you've already taken steps to put it in motion if needed. Will that make her mad? It doesn't matter because right now she's wired to hate you and everything you do. So quit thinking in terms of how to placate her (you can't anyway) and start thinking in terms of what is best for you and your kids. Be strong, you can do this!
