You have put yourself in a really bad situation and you are now the person keeping yourself there. She will never, ever do anything to change the situation because you handed her more than she could ever win on her own in a separation on a silver platter - full financial support, nearly full custody (along with child support), and you vacated the family home. She has every reason to fight to maintain this situation forever. And, to any outside observer or judge, you are the bad husband and dad who left them and didn't bother to see them more than every other weekend. Every month this goes on, the more it cements as status quo. It is almost impossible to change status quo without some external force, which cant come from you. I know you said you want 50-50 in a few years but if you don't get it now, you never will.
You are fixated on her feelings, her apparent fear, but it is your fear that is the problem here. Those are your kids in your house - why cant you drive over and give them a hug? What is stopping you other than your own fear? I have seen both sides of this many times and I'm sure your wife is enjoying playing you for a sucker.
