Just know that you aren’t alone. My W is so vile and selfish that it’s like she’s another person. I can’t understand the hatred that she has right now.
I also think about when W was lovable, fun, and kind. It really messes with my mind how she could flip like this.
We simply must detach and leave them to figure themselves out.
It messes with my mind too. I think about all those things, it messes me up. Leave them to figure themselves out? I get it. But for how long? It’s a rhetorical question. What I wouldn’t give to just be a family again. Thornton what does she do differently and when did it start?
Hey Wolf -
Been following your sit for a while, I know how much you've been struggling and how this has taken a long time for you, so I won't be harsh. Everyone goes through this at their own pace, it takes some of us longer than others to "get it".
It took me a long time to figure out that my MR was over. Not "how I knew the MR to be", but the MR itself. It is gone, there is no R between myself and my W right now. I had to accept that, and that was not an easy thing to do. I cried and suffered many weeks and months on end, both before and after finding DB. I grieved the end of what I viewed as something really special. I talked to friends, I poured my heart out to IC.
And then i finally accepted it. Yes it hurt and yes there was an immense amount of pain, but it will happen that you will accept this too.
I'm not saying that there is no possibility of another R with your W at some point in the far future. The future is unwritten, and has an infinite number of possibilities. But right at this moment, you need to start living your life for yourself. You need to prepare for every outcome. I know you may not want to hear it, but one of those potential scenarios is that W may not be there, so you also need to prepare for that.
It [censored], I know. It's not what you want, it's not what I want either. But both you and I and everyone here are at a crossroads in our lives where the outcome is unclear.
So in order to deal with that, in order to protect ourselves as much as possible, we need to be prepared, we need to be strong, and we need to be steady, in spite of what we might be feeling on the inside.
Try to live in the moment. Take it day by day - don't worry about what will happen tomorrow, that is a problem for tomorrow.
Have you tried meditating? I find it helps me a lot to calm obsessive thinking.
What are you doing to GAL? Do you have any projects or trips or things you have always wanted to do for yourself? If so, now is the perfect opportunity to think about doing those things.
This is rough, man - but you will get through this, I promise. We are here for you, and do know that you are not alone.
