Look at the mind games your XH has played with the dog. Can you imagine what a D would've been like if you and your XH had a child? I absolutely think a D would've happened too, by the way - a person who can do what he's done was never going to be able to last the distance required for a long term marriage. He is broken and a baby would have only made it worse.
I think if you focus on what you can actually, definitely do without the help of anybody else you are going to be in a great position when the Universe comes knocking. By then, you'll be well and truly good to go.
