Blue wave - thanks for the great advice . I think the issue I have to come to terms with is the massive Cake eating . At first it was maybe a few days a week short intervals . Now moved up the amount of time we are spending together positively whether us together or family time . That’s where I have the conflict because it has had some positive effects . He hated coming home for about the last year or so and was a complete dead fish for awhile .Where now I tend to get more of the “ I can’t wait to see you “ or “ you seem different , calmer , home is more peaceful “. I see more of what we were many moons ago . He knows my stance on marriage . GAL has been a great source of stress relief for me. I enjoy just some time alone as well which has never been as easy thing for me . I tend to over think , worry and allow many things or situations to hinder my moods . Over the past 3 months out of all this craziness the one thing I have slowly learned is I have to stop living my life to make others happy because I need to be in a place where I am important too . As far as the violence I would say a bickering turns into a full blown verbal arguement , name calling , down right demeaning things said on both ends . One of us then escalated to threats one would leave . Maybe a household item broken . Two physical altercations in 12 years . Pushing . Neither one knows how to back down . Goal for me - learn to not escalate and find the root of the problem . I have learned over the last 3 months when he has spewed if I just listen and take a few minutes to react some where in the spew is really what’s bothering him .i fully take my 50 percent responsibility I have been no dream during arguments as well . I will agree on your take on affair . Do I think there’s one now . No . Brewing or burned out very well maybe so .I’m going to take some time and read all the links you sent me and re-evaluate where I’m going with this .
