22 years gone

[rooskers]

The weekend with D13 went wonderful. She was able to go to a friends birthday party and spend the night there. At first she wasn't going to leave me but after some convincing she agreed to go just for the evening. I knew if she saw her friends that she would want to spend the night so when I got home I packed her an overnight bag and sure enough within an hour I got the text from her saying she wanted to spend the night. She was surprised when I told her I was already on the way with her stuff.

We also spent the weekend decorating the house for fall and Halloween. I have decorated for each holiday since before she was born so this wasn't anything new, but D13 felt it made the house more cheerful so we did it a little bit earlier than usual.

For me I spent the weekend fixing all the leaky faucets in the house. It has been a project I have been wanting to do for a while now but never had the time to do it. Bathroom sinks went great but the kitchen sink was a living nightmare. I got the leak fixed but then the hot water refused to work. Found out the valve below the sink had a washer that disintegrated and the pieces blocked the hose running hot water up to the faucet. Since the hot water heater doesn't have a valve to turn the hot water running to the house off I had to turn off the water supply to the whole house. Since this was all going on I figured I may as well drain the hot water tank and remove sediment build up. I persevered and fixed everything by the end of Sunday and felt proud. What made it even more special was D13 believed I could do it. In the past EW would have just called the neighbor over or called a plumber to do it even if I told her I wanted to give it a try.

I wish I could fix everything for D13 and take away all her pain. She hates the week before she has to visit with EW. She hates that it feels like a countdown until she has to go. She hates how EW makes her feel guilty all the time for everything. She hates that her mom physically looks different, and acts completely different. I listen to her, hold her, let her cry, encourage her to journal her feelings, try to help her come up with ideas to make the visitation more pleasant, and let her know I will be there for her when she comes back. It rips my heart apart to see her in such pain.