Guess I'm standing. Was "now what?"

[BarbH]

thanks DNJ, and everyone....I read this last night and had to sleep on it.

I am working on my patience! I am just so frustrated. I've pulled out DR to read again-i think I've been so focused on DB'ing that when he came back-I'm trying to suddenly find a new game plan.

I will be sitting down later today and working through Step 2 of DR....And really, when I look back, 4 months ago we were not talking, and he was out of the house convinced he wanted a separation/divorce. So now, he is back in the house, has said he wants to work on reconciliation, has told family we are working on recon, is telling me everywhere he's going. He has also told me he wants to go slow, and not just jump back in. I need to honour this.

My difficulties, and I need help/suggestions on this!

1. When he said he wanted to come back, I said counselling was "non-negotiable". If I back down on this, then what?

2. I looked at his cell phone, he freaked out that i was invading his privacy, and he's backtracked somewhat-but is still here and hanging in. He swears he's done with EA, but I have a huge issue with trust at this point, as texting/messaging has played a huge role in this situation. I've said I "need him to help me heal" from this and the old PA (old to him, but new to me). When do I broach this again?

3. He's alluded to "my issues" but aside from the housework (a whole different topic!), I don't know what he expects.

"Circle of trust" is an old, old phrase we used to use when asking for the truth. He's agreed to talking without ambush.

So help! Today I plan on step 2-knowing what I want, and setting small goals.

Step 3 is "asking for what I want"....so if we do have a "discussion meeting" which he's said he could do, I think instead of asking about the PA/EA/ etc, I may just ask for those small goals, and leave it. I can put counselling on backburner for now, but not have it go away.

I'm going to need help with this.