I just got back from a week-long medical mission in the Caribbean last night and am currently napping the day away. As expected, it was a very meaningful experience. Lots of work, but very impactful. My soul needed it and I also needed an ego check to put things into perspective. I had been struggling with a few things related to my real job for several weeks, and admittedly I needed to immerse myself in this to give me a reality check. Plus I just like volunteering and giving back. Before leaving, I had been really frustrated with many things that, at the end of the day, don’t matter. They just don’t. Who cares if I don’t get credit for a project when there are people in this world who never will be in this position, who don’t even have running water! God, my life is good and I need to appreciate all of it.
Anyway, two days ago, at sunrise, I was in a tiny motorboat on my way to a reef to go snorkel before we wrapped up clinic. I was staring at the scenery and sparkling blue water and ex popped into my head for some reason. I hadn’t thought about him once the whole week. It was nice to forget about the reality of the divorce for a bit and I long for the day that it will officially be behind me. I had realized that when I thought of him I felt nothing. It might have been the environment, but there I was cruising through the waters and I was checking myself for emotion. I felt NOTHING. No sadness, anger, nothing. It was weird, but good. I’ve definitely made emotional progress with all of this (only took 5 years. Hahaha)
The snorkeling was great... came out with 20+ jelly fish stings but they were the small zingers.... the sting didn’t linger too long and now it just looks like I have an assortment of bug bites all over my body. The stings, coupled with mosquito bites, and a couple bruises and scrapes make me look like I’ve been through stuff.
Speaking of stuff- I met Bob Marleys sister. Woah that woman is a ray of light. She was singing a song on the piano (she’s crazy talented), and then came up and gave me a huge hug. She grabbed my hand, looked me in the eyes and said, you’ve been through stuff. You’ve been enlightened. I see it in you. I’ve been through stuff, I’ve been enlightened. You keep that with you always. (And then she got a little woo-woo), but anyway, that is a moment I will remember for the rest of my light.
I was supposed to be with my dog today, but ex decided it no longer worked for him. He’s a POS, but he’s no longer my POS. I’m not fighting this particular instance... I don’t feel the need to. He doesn’t rile me up. Yes I love my dog and yes I want to see him, but I’m not willing to die on this hill right now. I hope to have the court stuff outlined so he can’t do this.
That’s all I got for now. Life is good.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
