Thinking I may need to talk with my wife before my son leaves for basic training, maybe in a couple weeks. My feelings now the marriage is probably done and I need to prepare myself for the big D, or at least separation.
I don't feel the fear of losing my marriage as much as my fear that she's going to hand me divorce papers and put me in a position to pay for a divorce I can't afford and a bad sitch financially with the house. I don't know if she's talked to a lawyer yet as I can't access any of her email accounts, I just want to assume the worst to prepare for it. I feel that if she's planning on doing anything, she's probably waiting until S is gone to do it since she's done nothing yet.
Things between us while she's home have been good. No arguments, no anger, we get along good and talk about most anything, except MR. (not saying I expect her to or I want to at this point, this is just the overview of out interactions). In my mind, I'm seeing this as her keeping things calm until the S is gone (even though I'm sure she hates faking she wants to be here and not with OM), and then putting her plan in action. (again I'm just trying to view a worst case scenario)
So, with having a talk with her in maybe a couple weeks, I hope to get the ball rolling in a more favorable direction for me and suggesting either a legal separation or uncontested divorce (looking online, was shocked to see contested divorces can cost thousands, even 10’s of thousands)
My idea is to NOT talk MR or reconciliation. Just discuss with that I want to hold off doing anything until S is gone and that when ever she’s ready to work out the details of the div. or sep., that we’ll sit down and discuss the details, and that I understand how she feels and that she’s done with us. I don’t want to stand in her way of her happiness. If she’s still unsure what she’s doing, I’ll give her more time.
I won’t bring up the OM, as I thing that’ll take any talk in a bad direction.
Again, I feel that I need to make the first move so that I don’t get served first. I will be talking with a lawyer soon as well. . Doing this in a couple weeks is still open to change, maybe 4 weeks from now, not sure. I just want to address this before she does something. Neither of us can afford a divorce alone, but the OM is an IT manager probably making 6 figures, she wouldn’t have trouble with paying for her share of it if that’s what he wants.
Any comments from the above are greatly appreciated.
