So, finding that note with the texting app login W is using to text/call OM has really been a huge speed bump in DBing and GAL. Probably should have let it slide, but I didn't.
In trying to get more info into how long this may have been going on, seems that I had the wrong Matt. It's not her boss but an IT guy from her previous job over 2 years ago, about the same timing as to when my wife stopped having sex with me. She's also been with him recently when shes said she'd be with her friend "Alice", so he's probably been the "Alice" shes been doing things with the past couple years.
I realize following her a finding out where she's actually going is something I shouldn't have done, but the note I found was just eating at me.
Right now, I have no plans on confronting her about the affair as I don't see it getting me anywhere and she'll deny it anyway. I still plan on doing work around the house so it's ready if we need to sell.
But.... I don't feel that us continuing to live together is working out for me anymore finding that the affair has probably been going on a lot longer than I first thought. And I think if there's anyway she'll find her way back to me, we need to be separated for it to happen.
I also may be over thinking this, but before my son had planned to go into the air force, he was going into the army. He would have been the last child to leave the house and we'd be empty nesters. About a month after he decided to not enter the army is when my wife dropped the ILYB bomb and said she couldn't do this anymore. It wouldn't surprise me if she had planned to leave me once he left and him not going ruined her big plan and she BD'd me. So with him set to leave for the air force Nov. 26th, I'm anticipating that may be her new departure date.
Her leaving after the kids are gone is based on what my W told my D a few years ago. I believe it was on the trip W and D took when W told D that she wished I'd take her on more vacations and do more with her and also told her that if we ever got a divorce, it would be after D and S where out of the house.
So in order to not get left with the mortgage and bills I can't pay on my own and be financially destroyed, my thought was to talk with her and tell her,
My first concern is to keep things as they are until S is gone so he doesn't have a lot of negative on his mind while in basic training. That I understand that she's unhappy and done with us and that I won't get in her way of leaving, if that's what will make her happy. It's not what I want but I won't stop her. All that I ask is that we work together to get the house sold.
There'll be a bit more to the convo. than that, but that the basic idea. Not sure if I'd bring up the idea of legal separation or divorce, or just an agreed upon separation. Also don't have a timeline on when(if) I talk to her about this.
