Married 21 years. Husband had an affair 11 years ago and we reconciled. I recently got the ILYBINILWY speech. New affair? Midlife Crisis? Walk away husband? (a lot of built up resentment)
He 'doesn’t want to be married anymore.' He’s moved into the spare bedroom. He doesn’t want to work in the marriage, But he says he’s not 100% sure he’s doing the right thing, Also, he spoke with my daughters councillor who told him us getting divorced right now would be catastrophic for her.
I wrote an apology letter (2 wks ago) and he knows I would do anything to save the marriage (which he said makes things worse, because "why couldn’t you do that before."
Since then, I’m not sure how to act. My question is, do I try to keep things as normal as possible? I’m not sure what to do about daily living things, such as cooking dinner and laundry? Do I resume my position coaching his team along side of him (starts Sunday?) Do I go to his family’s house for special occasions? Do I pretend everything is the same for our kids? (15 and 18)
How much should I be detaching at this point?
I’ve been doing a pretty hard 180, not asking him about the relationship, not contacting him during the day and keeping the convo about the kids. We usually walk the dogs together every night, which we’ve still been doing.
I kind of feel like this is allowing him to live a double life...getting all the benefits of home life (no sex) but experimenting with freedom and what it would be like to be single.
I want to talk about selling the house, and money, etc. to give him a little does of reality, but so far I haven’t said anything.
How long do I let this limbo go on?
Also, How do I know he’s not moving around finances, etc....how can I get my ducks in a row in case this really does go South?
