Guess I'm standing. Was "now what?"

[BarbH]

Hi all of you who have been following/supporting me. Thought I'd pop in with an update:

Had a great vacation in Nova Scotia, despite power still being out for 3 days-we "camped" at my girlfriend's house. Saw beaches, museums, historical sites, vineyards, pubs, and just generally enjoyed ourselves.

Came home, H picked me up at airport. We were pretty good-a little strained. Unfortunately, I blew it later that night-he left his cell phone out, and saw me looking at it. Big fight he says he can't trust me, I bring up 15 yrs of lies. He says he's done, so do I. I go upstairs, calm down, come back down and quietly just said "I apologize for snooping. But if we are going to do this, I need you to help me heal". And went back to bed.

In morning-I flopped on his bed and started conversation. Frosty at first, but we ended up talking and laughing for about 45 minutes. I said something about counselling and he responded with "mine will be individual, I can get it through work". Excellent! He's always shut down counselling before-has rejected it out of hand. But I was very clear it's not negotiable.

We talked about our "scary things" with reconciliation. He felt the night before was a setback. I said "there will be glitches and hiccups-we will both make mistakes. what matters is how we handle them".

I went to town, he went to town with our dog. I came home, and had to head back in. Met him on the road heading home. He stopped, and we chatted. When I went to leave-I got a kiss! First in months! (we've been hugging)

Negatives-well, I'm done snooping! Still need to discuss the past 15 years-infidelity, etc. I'm sitting on this for now-other than saying "at some point we need to talk about it. I've forgiven, but I need help getting past it". Haven't asked for passwords etc. That too will come. He's very good about telling me where/what he's doing, and leaving his tracker on. (that's a positive.)

Positives: Still talking! He's home on his days off now, sister's place when at work, and it's much more comfortable. Hugs and kisses. Talk of counselling. Talk of future. Plans to watch our fav. tv show together Friday night. Plans to go to movie together. He's told his family and some people at work that we are working on reconciliation. (I'm especially pleased re at work, as that's where issues are). He says he hasn't talked to OW/EA in over a month. She's been unfriended from FB.

Plans for me: Still in IC. Started Tai chi last night-think I'm going to love it! House getting remortgage on next week-bills getting cleaned up. After that I think I will propose a once weekly "state of the union" talk where we can each have some time (1/2 hr? any thoughts? I'll put this on my list for therapist next week) to discuss issues, ask questions-infidelity, social media, what ever. Each of us can have some time, talk and then shelve it. My therapist has suggested that for now, I just focus on us having fun together-as we usually do, and wait for him to process and move forward, as he's generally a slow and deliberate processor. Practice patience.