I supposed if she breaks the boundary, I would tell her no more dinners together until she completely stops all communication with the OM.
Don't negotiate with a WAS. ^^^THIS should be your statement to her. Just tell her no more dinners, no texting, no phone calls, no happy little conversations, because you will NOT be involved in a relationship any longer with a cheater. PERIOD. You're trying to be nice, but you can't "nice" her back.
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And it’s hard to deny her because she’s the love of my life. What can I say?
Like so many other LBS's that find themselves here, you are tricking yourself into thinking she is some kind of soulmate, the only person that can ever make you happy. It's simply not true. It's a big world out there full of amazing women. Your W may have been great for you at some point but not anymore. Who wants to be married to a lying cheater. The sooner you accept that your old W is gone, the sooner you can go about the business of really detaching. And when you well and truly detach, THEN she may learn what she's losing and regret her actions.
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Also, sometimes I feel like instead of “cake-eating”, she may be genuinely trying to test the waters with me to see if our relationship is worth another shot. I know you say it’s “cake-eating”, but sometimes I’m not so sure. At least, this is what goes through my mind.
She's not ever going to learn to miss you if you are around all the time and doing stuff with her. Tough love is the only approach that works with cheaters, but it is the approach that 99% of LBS's don't have the intestinal fortitude to see through.
