I cheated, we survived, now my wife's cheating

[JC08]

So, her mom reached out to you. How did you respond--with shame, with guilt, with validation, with defensiveness? I agree you didn't love her during the affair, but it sounds like you did before and after? It probably [censored] for you that so many years together are re-defined by a few bad choices.

I have kept good communication with her parents, he gave always had a great relationship, even through all of this I was actually the one that told them about my infidelity. One to try and take blame for my actions and show regret. Two, because I felt like my wife needed someone to talk to besides me, she was still embarrassed about it and wouldn't talk to her mom, instead the OM contacted her about it and it's been downhill since. Of course through this whole time I have been shameful and took blame for my actions and the situation I created.

Yes I always loved her, before the affair happened I questioned her love and mine, but that was unhappiness that manifested into regret towards her. After the affair I fell deeply back into love with my wife, I seen what we had, what I had in her, that she was worth the fight and we both had a lot to do with our marriage eroding, I blamed her for my unhappiness before the affair. So yes, hindsight is terrible, I should have found help, I should have seeked MC before the affair, I should have done so many things differently, I created this situation, and it absolutely [censored], at this point I'm going to try and follow advice here and am going to put in the time and effort, and in due time see if things change with her and the OM.

Side note, this weekend age said that she could see marriage with him, and he seen the same, and I better get use to him being around because he's there to stay. Still crazy that she met him 100 days ago, and 60 days ago said she was overwhelmed, but loved me and would never leave.

You described OM as a "serial womanizer". My Q to you was, who ends the relationships and how quickly does he typically move on? Past behavior is a good predictor of future opportunities.

I have heard he usually does, but that last one she caught him talking to 3 other women and she left. 6-9 months is pretty typical is my understanding. The night we all went out together and everything started he was bragging about all the women who text him out of the blue or who come over for a booty call because that is the reputation he has. Hope he hasn't changed, it will give me time to improve and hopefully some perspectives about me and us to change.