Her mom called me today and said that she talked about what happened during the affair, and how the OM makes her feel, and that she says I never loved her, that you can't be that horrible to someone and love them, you just can't.
Hi JC08,
So, her mom reached out to you. How did you respond--with shame, with guilt, with validation, with defensiveness? I agree you didn't love her during the affair, but it sounds like you did before and after? It probably [censored] for you that so many years together are re-defined by a few bad choices.
Originally Posted by "JC08"
Is time really my best friend to letting the pain subside and letting her remember some of the good things also?
I left my ex-wife 10 years ago. I have questioned if I tried enough before giving up, but I've never changed my perspective on the badness vs. goodness of the marriage, nor reminisced about the good moments. As I told Kas, though, if she'd changed radically and permanently while I was single I might've re-visited because sharing the same kids would lead to a great deal of convenience if other factors were there.
You described OM as a "serial womanizer". My Q to you was, who ends the relationships and how quickly does he typically move on? Past behavior is a good predictor of future opportunities.
