IH, hang in there, even though separating might put a financial strain on you I suspect you will start feeling a lot better about life after you get out of the limbo you're stuck in right now! Sounds like you're handling interactions with your W well. I wouldn't bother with the R talks anymore because it just sends you spinning and who knows if she's even telling you the truth.
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I sometimes wonder if I have the wrong mindset and all of this and I'm being a stubborn hard a$$.
I think a lot of us have or had those same thoughts. You spend years treating this person like they are your best friend and to suddenly shot that down makes you feel like a jerk. But detaching, GALing, leaving her alone is absolutely the best approach. It's not being cold, rude or indifferent. Just "not as available".
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I've been trying really hard to take a balanced approach to be polite courteous and friendly, without seeming punitive.
Good!
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There are days where I just don't care anymore. I don't want to R. I just want to build a new life, be more subject to change for the better, and move on. Then there are other days where I'm kind of numb, still in disbelief this is happening and wish I could reconcile with her. The silence and the lack of communication, different narratives, understanding, vulnerability, willingness really bugs me. Sometimes I have to remind myself to curb my anger about it and keep a balanced mindset, be alert about what's really going on around me, but yet still of compassion for her.
Yes, this is a great summary of the difficulties of being an LBS. It is frustrating, but it is also normal. And your last sentence (bolded) is spot on.
