That makes sense, I guess I can’t validate a feeling (even if it’s one he’s told me about in the past) unless it comes up in the present.
Yesterday morning was interesting. H came to pick up D4, he seemed a little nervous or something, and we had an awkward moment b/c he wanted to borrow something that I had previously not let him borrow to use with D4. There was a moment of misunderstanding, and I got a little frustrated. I made a point to let it go and not get into a negative interaction over it. A little later H came over and rubbed my back a little bit (!) and said he was sorry for the misunderstanding. I told him it was ok and that I wasn’t upset and explained my feelings briefly. Things loosened up after that and it was pleasant. Afterward I sent him a text to validate the feelings he’d expressed and he replied “thank you I appreciate that!” Don’t know if it meant anything but it was nice 180s for both of us. Later I could tell he was using his language carefully (about something else) to avoid giving me hope, so there that is as well.
I get confused sometimes because I read here “do what works and stop doing what doesn’t” It seems to me that my Being friendly and cordial is “working” in the sense that it pulls him closer rather than farther. But it kind of contradicts with the idea that I should be pulling back. I’m over thinking and confused...
