Still surviving

[Surv1ve]

Oh hello bttrfly.

I'm glad you set your limits. Yes, maybe you would have kept your MLCer a little longer, but at what cost? I know that is what helped me to set those first limits: seeing that he thought I'd tolerate anything and knowing I was erasing myself. My biggest grief these days is that I tolerated so much abuse from him. That I sold myself out.

And yes the MLCer and my H are in so much pain. He articulated in his therapy appointment realizing that his parentsnever praised punished him like he didn't matter or didn't exist. And he understands how he blamed me for everything and projected so much on to me. He says he has to figure out how to forgive himself. The anger at me seems gone. I saw the monster briefly this summer, but when I named it, he immediately reverted to his new normal which is wavering between fear and anxiery. When he's calm, he can be warm and compassionate. He is absolutely terrified of resuming our romantic or sexual relationship... that he won't be able to set limits or boundaries and he'll just be swallowed.

I know now that resolution back to marriage will take a long long time and I wonder if I will have the patience. And there has been so much beautiful growth in this last year.