You seen to be doing everything right and thats great especially as you are going through your own incredible trauma. I hope the counsellor can focus on what your D needs and not so.much the realtionship between exw and D right now. Ds feelings are hers , no one else can second guess them and a good councillor will be a god send a help guide D through this very tough time.
In my case i always tried to let the kids express their feelings but i would never join in with negativity towards Exw as i felt that was not healthy and i would always encourage reconnection once i felt Exw was in a healthier place mentally. I do feel for the WAS because i don't think they really understand how their actions effect those around them , especially the ones they love. .My own Exw has emailed me with talk of how she feels she is emerging from a fog and can't believe/ understand how she ended up in the situation she is in.
As tough as it is for the LBS , our children are still in their formative years and this is way harder on them than it will ever be for us. Im not taking away from the heartbreak and devastation that we feel at the time but for a child it is almost unimaginable.
You are doing a fantastic job in incredibly hard circumstances.
