The last straw

[sandi2]

Wow! I was chomping at the bit before I had read a dozen lines. Zip, I don't know you but I know who has been in control of this relationship, and it wasn't you. There is a lot more than trust issues going on here.

She just admitted to an EA with him this August due to her IC stating she should come clean. She denied this at the time and we both went to IC and MC.

So, was she and OM in an affair for 15 yrs and it's just now coming out? If they were spending that much time together while everyone was away........I think it's safe to assume they took the affair to the physical level. A wayward wife gives trickled down truth, and she usually will admit to a lower level of the actual truth. In other words, if she was pressured to tell you about OM, she's going to imply they were mostly friends, then finally admit that she did have a little emotional thing for him.

Okay, so why was she seeing an IC before anything came out about the affair?

I understand the MC, but why were you in IC? I'm guess I'm asking if both of you were seeing IC for the same issues. Were you seeing the same counselor?

She stated she was confused and gave the ILYBNWY.

The only thing that causes a wife to be "confused" about her feelings for her H........is when OM is in the picture.

She said I didnt treat her right and she was much apposed to adult films we would watch. Porn was a big part of her issue which she never shared with me before . We ended this practice as a couple.

How did you not treat her right? I suspect that was a load of b.s. She is a wayward wife who is guilty of infidelity, so she was scrambling to come up with some excuse. However, there was some reason the both of you were seeing IC. What was it?

Intimacy was sparse and I eventually would seek relief from the internet.

Sparse, huh? How long had you been suffering a sexually starved marriage before she permanently cut you off?

After this email had been found by her, all intimacy stopped. Its been a very rocky 3 yrs with me begging for us to work on these issues. I pleaded for us to go to MC. She wouldn't agree stating it didn't work the first time when we attended 15 yrs ago.

Look Zip, the woman never intended to work on the MR. She was searching for something to use against you, and she found the email. She used that email for her handy little excuse to stop having sex with you permanently. Here's the thing I want you to consider. You went 3 yrs with no sex from your W. Did she give you a variety of excuses over those 3 yrs, or just shoot you down? Were you waiting on her to initiate? To make matters worse, or it seems to me, that you bought into her b.s. and became the underdog, while she called the shots in the bedroom, and in the family dynamic. She not only had no respect for you as a man and as her H, but demonstrated enough disrespect that it taught her D that's the way to treat a husband. Now you have two females in the home disrespecting the male leader.

I pretty much begged her to see a MC and she agreed on Valentines day to do so and would call to set an appt. I waited until the end of March to ask where she was in setting an appt. Sh said she is too busy to set an appt. let it go until the end of April and got same answer. told her I can call to set an appt. All along we are getting closer to D1 moving her horses in July if all goes well. I set an appt for the middle of May, We went to the meeting and within 15 minutes she made it clear she wanted a D and has talked to a L. I was devastated although reality was pointing in that direction.

Well in my opinion, the weight of the trust issue is due toher behavior, unless I've read it wrong. She has managed to twist things and cause you to believe that you are the bad guy here. While you would have went along with whatever she said, if you thought it would warm her blood a little. Of course, we only have your side of the story, but I'm just saying I see a man who was leaving the MR (and especially the sexual relationship) up to his W, and begging her to get help. She has been deceitful, disrespectful, manipulative, and dishonest. You say you are being transparent. Has your cheating W of 15 yrs done any transparency work? My guess is no, b/c she would feel it invades her privacy, and I'd also guess her affair had zero consequences.

Left the MC and headed home later that eve. We had a chance to speak that night and I told her this was not what I was expecting at all. She said we haven't been married for 3 yrs. I pleaded my case on why we needed to work on the M and not throw it away, she seemed to have a change in action. Still nice and showing some attention to me. A month went by and she was warming up to me but still not interested in going back to MC. All this time she is GALing and losing weight. Looking really good but still no time for me. Then I made a big mistake. She found pictures on my phone. It was of her as I havent seen her naked for 3 yrs, I took pics unbeknownst to her and i invaded her privacy. She blew up and said thats it, Im out and want a D. This was the first of August.

I know I had done wrong. No excuses for my actions. Although it wasnt of another woman, or an affair or any other action which would have caused the same outcome, it was just as bad.

WHAT?!? You took a secret photo of your naked wife (who has refused you sex for three yrs) and that's just as bad as having an affair??? Who are you listening to? Wait.......I know, it's your W! The W who was looking on your phone. The W who would have had a fit if you looked on her phone, right? The same W that had no consequences for her A.

I want to tell you something. Your W is still cheating on you. You need to get your b@lls back and stop acting like some guilty wuss. Stop acting like you were the one scr@wing around. Stop apologizing and begging. It's not attractive. How would an alpha male have reacted when his W reacted to seeing her photo on his phone?

She was showing some softening through the week and when I asked her for a hug she said sure I can do that which felt good. Later that night she left for a few days away at the beach and gave me another hug. Seemed she may be thinking things over and there may be some hope (a dangerous feeling).

No Zip, she was playing you.