I have done everything I know to work on our marriage, except let it go.
Validation/empathy has been an amazing tool for me. Until you've tried it, you haven't tried everything.
Originally Posted by "HrtHsbnd"
I feel like I was really just validating her feelings. How would you handle that?
"I'm sorry you feel xxxx" is on this site's Validation Cheat Sheet. It's sympathetic. That's a step up from being defensive or minimizing her. However, empathy is a step up from that! "Gosh, I didn't realize you felt I was being rude." or "I could tell you were really upset last night."--also on the Validation Cheat Sheet--would take you a little deeper. Empathy is about: 1. Perspective Taking, 2. Withholding Judgement, 3. Recognizing Emotion, 4. Communicating That. "I thought I went out of my way.. honoring your wishes.. have been for several months" is not validating. Quite the opposite. It's defensive.
Originally Posted by HrtHsbnd
You are right, it is VERY hard. Any ideas on how to make it easier?
+ Realize her sharing emotions with you is a gift. If it gets to the point she's more disconnected, she'll still feel these things, she just won't tell you. You want her to feel safe confiding how she feels.
+ Our partners have a perspective and truth as valid as our own.
+ Slow down. Try not to rush to judgement--defending or minimizing them before you grasp their viewpoint.
