Still surviving

[Surv1ve]

Here I am again, for my once in a blue moon post that feels read by none, but these are the posts I most hungered for when I was new. The anniversary of my bomb drop is coming round again... and, this year, I will be scuba diving with my MLC and he knows I'm reclaiming a difficult day by spending it with him.

Oh, it's not all fixed yet. You want so much to believe in the beginning that your might be fast.

If I were going to provide you a quick snap shot, I would say...

MLC and I go out every week to go rock climibing and get some pub food
MLC and I cuddle on the couch twice per week on a schedule
MLC and I still avoid emotional topics except when scheduled and I still keep them to less than 20 minutes
MLC admits that he loves me and he's terrified all the time
MLC does not sleep with me and rarely comes to our former marital bedroom for any reason
MLC did tuck me into bed recently
MLC seems to admire my growth
MLC watched as I dated someone and broke up with them and talked about how much I've changed since 2 years ago (we were always open so this is not a huge deal that I dated, but me ending a relationship because it wasn't meeting my needs is new)
MLC knows that I'm the decision maker and that I occasionally set boundaries and I'm ready for this to be done, if need be, as much as I want it to work. It's me who will end this if it ends. That's always been true but I know it now.
MLC went to the therapist today to get his own EMDR after nearly 6 months of talking about it
MLC is able to openly say that he values my friendship deeply and, when asked, will tell me he's in touch with very little else in an active way

MLC is often able to state limits and boundaries and trust that I care about them.

And, to get here, I've had to do so much hard inner work in a way that was not fair at all and with no guarantees of an outcome and know that I was doing it for me regardless of the outcome. I had to do all the heavy lifting.

If I could recommend anything to newer folks, it would be to become okay with setting some boundaries. Every time I've set an honest boundary that was my truth, it has been a great thing for me. And, if I'd lost my MLC monster because I set a limit? Good riddance, honestly. My MLC monster only became my MLC friend after I set boundaries.

I told MLC that if and when he's ready, he should consider coming here to post as people would love to hear what's in his head (when he figures it out). Yeah, I broke the cardinal rule and told him this exists... but, we are beyond the monster days and he isn't going to leave unless I throw him out.