You are right, it is VERY hard. Any ideas on how to make it easier?
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Originally Posted by "HrtHsbnd"
(She) says I was very rude towards her last night and this past weekend.
My response was that I’m sorry she felt that way about this weekend and that I thought I went out of my way to let her webchat with him, while honoring her wishes. I also said that while I appreciate her concern, I have no reason to be hostile towards her and have been honoring her wishes now for several months.
She never responded. But again, I’m trying to just listen and validate.e
In your responses, I see you being polite and agreeable. I see some validation. "I'm sorry you felt that way" is a validating, sympathetic way to start. The next words, though, take a defensive 180: "I thought I went out of my way.. " It's tempting to defend our viewpoint, but if you really want to validate her, it helps to understand her viewpoint. A couple stock responses I like for your situation from the Validation Cheat Sheet on this website: "Gosh, I didn't realize you felt I was being rude.", "I could tell you were really upset last night." It can be really hard listening to why someone is upset with your behavior but--as long as she's not yelling, cursing, etc.--those talks are important. I hope this weekend is a better one for you.
