Wouldn't it be better to be friendly and available with her so that she can see that I'm not the monster her wayward mind has suddenly framed me to be, and so that I can compare favorably to the OM? I feel like being scarce would just affirm her current thoughts about my being selfish and neglectful.
You won't compare favorably to the OM. OM = Fantasy. You can't compete with a fantasy. Do some research and googling on limerence affairs. It hurts, but the sooner you understand and accept what is happening, the better you will be able to respond.
The fantasy needs to break. It needs time. Part of her fantasy is that you will still be around for her needs - take that away. Then give the OM time to show his imperfections. Then give the A time to develop cracks. Live your life while that happens.
You can't compete anyways as a man desperately pursuing a woman who doesn't want him. You can compete eventually as strong, independent Dbx80 who knows he deserves better than her and is moving on with his life. You are awesome and are going to kick butt at life with or without her.
