As indicated in my original post, this is my fourth marriage. I thought I had learned many things in my experience and was doing all of the right things. Apparently not. When one is not meeting the whole "meeting emotional/physical needs" thing is so big that you would think your S would mention it SOMETIME before they run off to get that from someone else.
But alas, no...
It just blows me away.
This time is different for me from all of the other marriages due to the kids being adopted and so young. That's one of the things that makes me so angry at the W. She says she knew all of her feelings in her rewrite of our history before and after we started the adoption process. Even before we had any of the kids in our house. I can't even believe she would've had those feelings and still let me go ahead and think that we would be building this family. It's not like she got pregnant and didn't have a choice. She had a choice. She could've said something instead of affecting the lives of our wonderful little kids.
I was just reading Wolfman's string and it occurred to me how much this forum is helping me deal with this. I keep reading the same (But different) stories about WWs and WHs and how crazy they are, from one day to the next doing things that are COMPLETELY out of character, being combative, emotional, cold, uncaring or unaware of the effects and consequences of their actions, dropping the bomb, etc.
I wish I would've had this resource when my first marriage broke up. When I was younger, I used to think that therapy, groups and those things were a bunch of hocus pocus. I was skeptical at best. I was WRONG.
After this experience, I'm thoroughly convinced that shared suffering and verbalization with people going through the same experience is cathartic. This might sound strange but I feel better reading other people's issues that so closely resemble what I'm going through personally. Seeing how people are there that care, who empathize and provide sage guidance based on their own crisis resolutions. (Or not)
Thank you to all of those people who open up and especially to those providing advice and guidance.
Just thought I'd throw that out there this morning.
Me 56 W 42 T14 M12 ILYBINILWY 08/07/19 BD 08/11/19 Discovered Whaaaat? 2 Kids One DD 30mos Adopted from Foster 12/18 One DS 17mos Adopting First week of Sept 19 Separate BR 08/15/19
