Not at all, BD makes us feel worthless and unworthy of others but as we recover and start meeting people/ flirting/ talking and eventually dating, we realize we are so far above that kind of treatment. We are high-value! We're loyal, dependable, stable people. The kind of people that others out there are actively searching for. You'll eventually realize that others need to prove their worth to you, not the other way around.
I do feel like this, and I am glad to. But I meant something slightly different. If I can clarify?
It struck me the other day that I really don't care what H thinks of my parenting decisions. I'd prefer it if we could co-operate peacefully, and most of the time we do right now. And that's great. But now and again I will do something I think is best and he won't like it, and he's going to have to live with that. I'm confident that I am a good enough parent most of the time and that when I make mistakes, they are errors and not instances of abuse.
That's a huge thing for me because I spent my life trying to please and placate him and get his approval and feeling like a deep down terrible person unless I had it. Obviously I don't think I am a perfect parent - I can and will make mistakes, and when I do I will correct them, and again, I don't particularly care what H thinks of that.
So I wondered, if this is dropping the rope and the healthy way to go about things, how do people build healthy relationships when they don't really care that much about what the other one thinks of them?
I realise this is an awkward and clumsy question - probably betraying my innocence in what an adult healthy relationship actually looks like. And I mean it theoretically as I'm not piecing, don't really intend to start anything with anyone else, and am just curious about what I don't know and haven't experienced myself.
How can a marriage work when both parties are healthy and differentiated and detached from the opinions of the other? What does that look like when there is disagreement?
