I cheated, we survived, now my wife's cheating

[JC08]

Well when we started dating, I just naturally started doing everything I could for her, but I have always been like that. Someone need help or you see where you could help out, you stepped in and did. Like I said from a small town(500 people) and its just kinda what you did, or I did. So when we started dating, it just came naturally, we both lived with our parents when we started dating, we were 18, fresh out of high school. I help her parents with projects all the time, one I like work, I'm handy, and she loved I was hard working and got along with her parents.

I guess as we progressed in our relationship, I just continued that. I would help and push her when she got stressed. She applied for Pharmacy School, which is a competitive school to get into, shed get overwhelmed with the stress of getting in, so I did anything I could to take stress away, then she got into Pharmacy School and we moved into separate apartments, I was in college about 30 minutes away, both of us 2 hours from home. The trend continued, Stress jumped up in Pharmacy School, there was a decent failure rate, she had always been straight A's and things came easy, Pharmacy School was not that, she had to work her ass off, and I just did what I could anywhere I could. I guess that trend continued on through school, and into marriage. I was the fixer, right after getting married she had a year of medical rotations, which meant she worked all week out of town(we moved back home), made no money, had to stay at hotels and eat out every night, and I was just starting my job and pay wasn't great, so I got a second job, I mean she had built up six figure student loan debt, fresh married, broke, and seemed like we were scraping by, so I did what I need to as the husband and provider, I worked, told her not to worry about things, I would take care of it. Second month into her rotations third month into marriage, 6 weeks into first baby, she miscarried, it hit me hard, we were sticking to our plans of school, marriage, babies, careers, happy life, Then that happened. She was devastated, and felt like a failure. I did what I needed to and lifted her up, support her. Again I just tried to insulate and support her, and not give her the stresses I had, felt like she didn't need anymore. I guess that continued on for the next 10 years, until I decided I wasn't going to do it anymore, I wanted some feedback, some appreciation, not from other people that gave it to me sometimes just seeing things from the outside but from my wife.

But it wasn't all her fault, I got really good at bottling that up, really good. Sometimes I had spew it out in anger instead of talking and communication. Then I would go back to it.

Yes she has a good, very good job as a pharmacist. I have a good job also, I'm VP at a local Bank. I still always let her career take priority, it was the bigger earner, it was more stressful, felt like it was a more important job, and I was always super proud of her earning that degree and having that job.

The thing my wife always has done is be OCD, so cleaning the house, everything put in its place was a huge deal, to me our house was cleaner that most peoples, and she would say it was filthy, and she would stress and don't get me wrong, four kids can turn a house upside down quickly if they get a chance, so she would do her thing cleaning and what not, and I would do the other thing. Except during my affair, she thinks I did nothing during that time, in reality we were probably more 50/50.

Yes mine was physical and emotional. Started off emotional, then crossed the line. Before it ever crossed the emotional to physical I tried to get out, the OW wouldn't let it be, she pursued me non stop, not that it was an excuse. I remember thinking before it ever went physical, I told her I wasn't going to talk to her anymore, that I wasn't jeopardizing everything. On the way home that day I remember calling my wife and yelling at her that she better figure out how to make me happy, I felt like I was giving up happiness with this OW, I felt like she got me, she appreciated me, told me how great a dad and husband I was. Of course she didn't leave me alone, and of course all I could see was negative, and I couldn't see that my unhappiness was because I was talking to my wife, I wasn't facing my issues, our issues, I was just running from them.

and when I was the Wayward Husband she did everything you are not supposed to do, that I then stated doing to her that just pushed me farther and farther away. Ill post more later on my affair and whatnot or any other questions.