W: I don't want you to hate me more, so please don't think I'm telling you what to do, but the kids will be ok if we are ok. I think they need to see us be able to talk for 5 seconds when we do drop off. I think they pick up talking to me is painful.
Me: I don't hate you, I don't even dislike you. I wouldn't go out of my way to help with kids or let you make rude comments to me and not respond if I hate you.
W: I don't mean to blow up at you all the time. I'm Sorry.
End of conversation.
You're doing well at cutting these short and not letting her draw you into a relationship talk. But next time don't defend yourself "You hate me!" "No I don't!" Just stick to business. "If there is something about the kids that you want to discuss then I will be happy to do so."
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I went to therapy last night, my therapist keeps telling me that we cant know what she is thinking or what she is going to do, but that she keeps saying and doing things of someone who is not really done, that she wants to believe she is, but her actions and words say things differently. Additionally she keeps letting some of her pain out towards me, my therapist tells me that is a good thing because it shows her not completely moved on.
This is typical of WAS's. They want out but there is a nagging doubt that they are doing the wrong thing, so sometimes they'll put mixed signals out there.
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While in therapy my WAW sent my mom the following text: Is Justin doing okay? I mean all things considered. This whole situation is far less than ideal. nothing I ever dreamed we would have to deal with. He won't talk to me and I get that I'm not who he wants to talk to but I still worry about him.
Tell your mom and anyone else your W may contact to tell her you are doing fine. You're not responding to your W's temperature checks so now she's going behind your back to check on you.
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I just need this A to die and in the mean time work on me and hopefully she'll think about putting our lives and family back together at some point.
Well it's not just a matter of the A ending. She's got to learn and grow and transform from this experience. She may do that or she may not. Some A's end and the WAS just immediately pursued OM2 and OM3, etc. You have no control over that. All you can so is be the spouse only a fool would leave so that if she looks back she'll see that. And if she leaves anyway well then she is a fool and do you want to be married to a fool?
