Still keeping contact to a minimum. She text me again, her text are all over the place.
W: I don't want you to hate me more, so please don't think I'm telling you what to do, but the kids will be ok if we are ok. I think they need to see us be able to talk for 5 seconds when we do drop off. I think they pick up talking to me is painful.
Me: I don't hate you, I don't even dislike you. I wouldn't go out of my way to help with kids or let you make rude comments to me and not respond if I hate you.
W: I don't mean to blow up at you all the time. I'm Sorry.
End of conversation.
The only reason the kids knew anything was because she got hateful and loud, which got their attention, plus if not engaging in conversation, detaching, ect can help break through the WAW mindset and give me the chance to repair our relationship in the future, then I would rather the kids deal with not seeing us interact much for a year, then go a lifetime of divorced parents.
Additionally, I'm happy, up beat, don't act bothered for the few minutes, so I don't get where she is saying the thing about the pain, I don't let her see any of that. She keeps asking me if I am okay, I just respond Yep!, I mean I'm not, but I don't want her to know that.
I went to therapy last night, my therapist keeps telling me that we cant know what she is thinking or what she is going to do, but that she keeps saying and doing things of someone who is not really done, that she wants to believe she is, but her actions and words say things differently. Additionally she keeps letting some of her pain out towards me, my therapist tells me that is a good thing because it shows her not completely moved on.
She knows that I go to therapy, but not when. We live in a small town, so I literally have to drive two hours to Kansas city to a therapist, so its quite the process, makes for a long day but I do think it is teaching me how to deal with some emotions in a healthy way and will hopefully contribute to me becoming AMOAFWL.
While in therapy my WAW sent my mom the following text: Is Justin doing okay? I mean all things considered. This whole situation is far less than ideal. nothing I ever dreamed we would have to deal with. He won't talk to me and I get that I'm not who he wants to talk to but I still worry about him.
It almost makes me angry! Its not ideal!, so stop this, and lets get to WORK!!! I know that is logic, so it doesn't matter, I just need this A to die and in the mean time work on me and hopefully she'll think about putting our lives and family back together at some point.
Me 34 Her 34 T:16 years M:11 4 Daughters: 10,7,6,3 Her EA May 2019 Separated July 30th 2019 Her PA Started August 1st, 2019 Filed October 3rd, 2019
