I keep reading on here and other places about childhood issues. I mean everyone has some sort of childhood issues. Does that mean no marriage should work?
My XW went through a lot of abuse in college. Physical and mental. We had 25 great years together before BD. I don't attribute her past to BD, they are unrelated events. LBS's look for all kinds of excuses/ reasons to explain why BD happened, but more often than not there are no specific reasons. Sure if pressed the WAS will offer some things up, but the reality is something is going on in their head and they can't explain it. This is the one thing all LBS's need to accept, but is also the one thing that they struggle with the most- you will never know WHY, and you've got to learn to let go of the need to know. There's a book called "Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy!" that addresses why teens do some unexplainable things, things that may be completely out of character with who they normally are. The long and short of the book is there are chemical changes happening in their brains that fundamentally alter their higher reasoning temporarily, make them "crazy". I honestly think much the same happens in many WAS's but that it is not well understood by the medical community.
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My w’s childhood seemed to be pretty good from what she has told me. They traveled a lot, she got pretty much whatever she wanted, she had no chores (not a good thing) 2 loving parents, beautiful home, lots of friends. So what there caused her to stray from the marriage? If anything seeing how loving her family is and was should have made her try harder to keep our m together. Her mom was a stay at home mom and was so loving to her father. Even to this day they always hold hands, she makes it s point to sit next to him and when she does she always puts her hand on his leg. I guess the only thing I can think of is that my w resents the fact that she had to work. She has mentioned that a few times through our m. I guess her working and having to do things around the home (again she never had any chores growing up) made her think this is not the life she wants. She wants the fairytale, a lot of money, she doesn’t work, travel as much as she wants and buy whatever she wants. But she knew what I did for a living. Why now after 19 years does it not make her happy? She was happy for so long and if anything things got even better. I guess I just missed her emotional well being. It’s sad because I have learned so much from this. From everyone on here on what I have lacked, books I have read and podcasts I have listened to. I am the lover that she wants, unfortunately she is not ready to give it another chance. Maybe never again.
^^^All of that is a waste of your mental resources. Complete waste of time. You don't know, her parents don't know, SHE doesn't know. YOU have got to LET GO of the need to know. Because you never will! Focus on you and your GAL.
