We look for formulas and patterns for a lasting relationship. We look for recipes - (wait 3 months fo an I love you, 6 months for kid introductions, 2 years for moving in- ) we look at red flags. No one wants to get hurt. And none of us want to feel out of control.
But none of it is a guarantee. I followed a very conservative formula with my ex husband and my life was ruined for it. I can follow an opposite formula and it could go great or also ruin me.
With love, we have no idea what will be lasting and what won’t. And sometimes we can look back in hindsite and see warning signs, but other people with successful and lasting relationships might have those same warning signs. So who knows! My parents have been married for over 40 years. My mom told me on their first date my dad asked her what she thought their kids would look like. She thought it was really weird to say that and we would have definitely told her it was a red flag. Normal guys should not say things like that. But hey - they have a successful marriage.
I don’t know if we can control. Only perhaps work on being a good partner.
